DIK GETIK mos... Mxm 😷🔫💉🌅

 Dear Diary - March 2021

Everyone is looking at me with a STINK EYE !!! And when I walk into a family room I can feel the hatred, I know they all think the world would be better without me ! 😤😭 Fuck ! I hate this world , I hate myself !!! Why can't I just be a normal kid. Why can't I just get this shit right man yaw. I haven't slept in 4 days Im starting to see double of everything, in running out of money and I just lost my job, of cause because I thought getting high is better than coming to work. Mhm I was right tho 😷🔫 guess I gotta plan on stealing someones car. robbing the biggest merchant again or selling my body for money. Yip mom's not the fuck going to give me any money, FUCK IT look how thin I am getting I have lost 25kilos in 3 days no kak. Wtf ??? Ai I'm hungry but tik Is the only thing I'll be getting for supper fuck this life for a laugh. 

Dear Diary- March 2021

I keep missing out on family get-togehers and mom's really disappointed in the outcome of my "extending party" I mean not that I really want to go to family events anyways , everybody is just so judgemental and opinionate , anyways while looking in mom's purse for some drug money I found a fucking list of rehabilitation centers and some are not even in this fucking country !!😭 🔫 Here we fucking go again !!!? 🙄 I hate this shit .... ***planning my major escape* ** AGAIN 😞😔 . I wish my mom understood me or at least heard me out for once , 😭🔫 😭 Fuck.

Sometimes I feel so lonely like nobody understands me or even wants me around... This is a dangerous feeling as I am suicidal but when I express myself through words , art , music or the stars I find hope and it stregnthens me and builds me up again. I've always had to have my own back . Always had no friends never fit in , the outcast or black sheep of the family the disappointment.. I know they think life would just be better without me as they have told me I am just a screw up and a burden , an embarrassment to the family . Well to that I say fuck you and fuck that . People dont even know how much one simple word can effect somebody ...mhm anyways the truth is i might be sober of heroine but im still injecting tik up my veins . Not everyday and I've learnt to control it but that makes me think that its okay and i can continue in my sin and it's not okay truth be told I love tik and I don't want to give it up right now fuck I've changed my life completely , one step ay a time people I'm only human damn but yes that doesn't make me any less strong or any less humane than anyone else. A sin is a sin weather you told a lie or murdered someone it's both still seen as a sin in God's eyes . Sins separate us from God . Mhm maybe that's why ive been feeling a bit off from everything lately . Resist the devil and he will flee come close to God and he will come close to thee